TheMeFund

Saturday, April 25, 2009

*GASP* a legit blog post?

Recently I've come into a bit of "YouTube success"

I put that in quotes because 1.)the success one finds on YouTube is only loosely considered success and 2.) the particular success I'm experiencing is quite small in comparison with many of the other people I admire or am friends with within the YouTube community.

I've gained about 20 subscribers in the past 2 weeks, which is Awesome with a capital A, however it makes me a bit nervous overall that I will not be able to retain those viewers or create engaging enough content for them. This is always a bit of a fear, namely that I'm not good enough for other people, or even sometimes myself. I know all the dirty self-deprecating tricks and play them quite well, however there is this other side of me - the more rational side - that says I must be creating SOMETHING of value to other people or else they'd not be subscribing and watching the videos.

The one self-deprecating trick I play most often with regards to my videos is that the main core of folks who comment on my videos are close friends of mine, both in offline and online life, so OF COURSE they are going to say what I'm creating is great. It is, after all, a requirement of friendship to build each other up even if it requires a little bit of white lies to do so.

It's not that I'm looking for e-haters to stop by and give me shit on my videos, because even their judgments are malformed by their tendency towards negativity. What I'd hope to receive is honest critique of my work, of course the problem is that perhaps I'm already getting it from my friends, after all they MIGHT be right, maybe.... possibly. Could the videos I'm producing actually be good despite my own harsh self reviews?

What really got me thinking about this is that some of my most admired YouTubers are beginning to take notice of my videos and subscribe, these are the people that I watch in awe as they nail every shot and every joke with spot on delivery while I sit here and bumble over my half cooked, lame duck jokes that hardly tend to be funny. How on Earth am I going to be able to create content that these guys are going to enjoy? The answer I suppose is that I've already done it enough for them to subscribe, so I should probably just keep on keepin' on right?

I hate it when I can talk myself out of fear and resentment.... Stupid Self 2.0

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