Thursday, May 28, 2009

Bad Dreams

The other day I woke up from the worst most vividly depressing dream in recent memory. It embodied everything I'm afraid of about leaving this place with the looming uncertainty and doubts I have about my ability to survive outside "the bubble".

I'm not sure how it started, how I got myself into the situation, but the first thing I remember is finding breakfast made for me on a hybrid of my parents new house, a small trailer we lived in many years ago and my current house's dining table. I was so grateful to not have to worry about food that day, then suddenly my Father came by, picked up my plate of food and threw it in the dishwasher, food and all.

I'm not exactly sure why but this devastated me, I ended up crying and freaking out throwing things at an unconcerned dad who just sat there laughing at me.

The feeling of hopelessness and despair was so palpable that when I awoke shortly thereafter I could taste defeat and tears in my mouth, it was horrible.

I know it probably doesn't sound like much, but it's stuck with me for three days now.

1 comment:

  1. I can actually totally understand this dream emotionally. Blech. The worst ones are always too personal to be universally horrifying.